New Year...

*disclaimer - this blog is a bit philosophical, it is not meant to be a “downer” but perhaps thought provoking. If you only like happy “up” blogs, you may not want to continue reading. end of disclaimer*

New Years...

As a friend of mine wrote on her blog, I’m starting this year in a sober state of mine. I’m not depressed, according to the thesaurus I’m “serious, solemn, sensible, thoughtful, grave, somber, staid, levelheaded, businesslike, down-to-earth, commonsensical, pragmatic, conservative; unemotional, dispassionate, objective, matter-of-fact, no-nonsense, rational, logical, straightforward.”

After spending New Year’s Eve at church and returning home at 6am. I spent most of New Year’s Day in dreamland (try that if you’re married & have kids!) After getting up, I read for a while, and then went outside and sat on the lawn & thought deep thoughts like:

What do I want to accomplish in 2011?

What does God want me to accomplish in 2011?

Is there more to my life than I’m living right now?

Do I need to change my dreams because they’ll never happen?

What is fun? Why don’t I seem to have very much of it in my life?

How have I gotten to this place? Have I slept-walked through my life?

What does “Auld Lang Syne” really mean? (okay this one isn’t so deep, but if you wonder too, you can find the answer on this blog)

These and similar thoughts have been going through my mind ever since. Because of that, and other things, I’m slowly coming to the realization that indeed I am a grown-up and I’m not so sure I’m a fan of that. Mostly because it doesn’t measure up to my childhood dreams. Problem is, I can’t make those dreams happen, and so I have to live the life I have. But what does that mean?

I sure as heck don’t know. Thus my sober musings and my dilemma. I do have some goals for this year like:

• write my book & see if I can get it published
• complete my first term in Kenya
• have more speaking engagements
• read the New Testament every month (#NTx12)
• blog more consistently

2011 hopefully will be a year of accomplishments - in myself, in my job, and in my spiritual walk. Hopefully when I write a blogpost at the beginning of 2012, I’ll be rejoicing in completed goals, looking forward to the future, settled in myself, closer to Jesus.

May this year bring all to you that you are hoping for!